Monday, May 31, 2004
Okay, time for a log of events. This must have started several months ago, I was living w a roommate that was "paying" my bills or so I thought till I got my disconnect notice for my car insurance. Once that had been disconnected I still had to get to work, so I continued to drive. BIG MISTAKE, I know that now... You know, hindsight, as I sit in jail for my 48 hour sentence. I have few things else to think about. The food is rank and I'm sure I look like ass. I can't smell a damn thing as my allergies are being a pain in the ass. The time is now 7:15 almost 24 hours into my sentence; I have slept for about 16 hours of that. It seriously, takes 2 minutes and 15 seconds to eat what you can of a meal, hardly worth getting out of bed for. But I suppose I need a little to sustain me. Breakfast was cream-o-wheat, WE!! Lunch was tacos w Spanish rice, almost better, dinner was fake meat with instant mashed potatoes, OMG!! I need some real food. Oh, and for part of the 8 hours that I was awake I sat in front of the clock, just staring. For two hours and 33 minutes before some FKR said I was taken up someone's spot and had to move. I spent a total of 6 or 7 minutes eating today. People do exercise and walk around, some play cards or stare at mostly naked women in car magazines or the latest people mag. There is a guy in here that can't be 18 yet and another that looks like he may die of old age tonight. There is such diversity; most of them tho can't talk w more than an 8th grade education. It's sad really, I feel for some of em, one gal is serving 104 days, only on weekends, that's an entire year of weekends; her youngest of three is 16. She's in for bad finances, or smuggling money or some shit, tax evasion maybe, I don't remember exactly. Well it's been 23 hours and 45 minutes, only 24 hours and 15 minutes left, time does not move when you’re on this side, seriously. It seems like it's been a week, and I TOTALLY know it hasn't, there is a clock on the wall that proves it. Still, there are few worse things that I can think of, this isn't painful, it's very degrading and humbling, not good for sanity, not good for age. I am certain that my stay here will add at least two years to my beautiful young complexion, I feel like a con. I feel like I've murdered the whale and I'm serving life for it. How long has it been... 23 hours and 50 minutes, almost the halfway point, just 10 more minutes. Not that if fuckin matters cuz even after those 10 minutes, I still have 24 hours more, FK!! 3 more nasty meals, 2 more times I'll take a shit, and one more shower, and NEVER, EVER again am I going to see the inside of a jail. Did I say this is FKN humiliating? No smoking, no drinking, no sex - ok yeah, same as home there, but still at least at home I could catch a train when I wanted to. Here the closest that it gets is the people mag or car mags. Ok yea in a pinch that'll do but I'm in a dorm w 41 other guys, OMG!!! Yup 42 beds in dorm 3 of 5, it looks like the other dorms are pretty full too. But I just got a glimpse as I walked by them. My body aches, 2 mins left till the half way mark, whoopty fuckin do!! OMG! I am going crazy in here. hehehe I almost forgot there is one guy in here who can't keep his hand out of his pants. Seriously 24/7 that bitch has his hand in there fkn around. I think that is herhairyass. The TV was on CMT for a while, that was awesome but it only lasted two or three songs. Jail sucks ass, never again. Eat this up loaf.... NEVER AGAIN!!! Exactly 24 hours remain and have past. Do ya spose I could sleep for the next 24?!?!?! Naw, me either. It's taken me 30 mins to write this much but that includes going back downstairs to sharpen my pencil 3 times. Pencils suck ass! I prefer my home pencil that has a kewl clicking sound, monitor, internet access, and a printer. FK!! Writing is such a pain in the ass!! My hand is cramping I must take a break- more later.
There are some people that sleep all day, sept meals, and are awake at night, like vampires. They sleep with socks over their faces and toilet paper in their ears. I call them night walkers. I am being watched. Through an 18 foot tall glass wall that leads to the only exit to this cell. Could be worse - solitary. I enjoy watching everyone. They do things together, like poker, and get mad when they lose 3 packs of Raman noodles, WTF! Some pretend to smoke, with pencils, others place bets on apples from an earlier meal. Many people just sleep as often and as long as possible, like me. Just trying to get through to the next time something interesting happens, like the nasty food they bring in. The guy that sleeps on the bunk above me is never there, he moves all day long and sleeps at night. The guy next to him is one of the night walkers. Right now everyone is intently watching a makeout scene on TV, fairly interesting, but I've seen better. Another 15 mins have passed and I need to sharpen my pencil again, brb. Ok, much better thnx. I miss people. I don't see Asians in here, none. Lots of mexicant's and white people, but really, what I would give for a smoke and conversation. I haven't said much to anyone for fear of getting raped, beat, or both. But remember that glass, all you have to do is flip it off and they will haul you to solitary, so I know we are being watched, closely, more later.
It has now been 25 hours 30 minutes since my entry to hell, Time goes SO SLOW!! I have stayed awake for the last while; it proves difficult cuz it gets so boring. Lights are going out in 40 mins along with the TV. But this time tomorrow I am gonna be on a train GDit!! I think I am the only one here w/o a tattoo, wait, there may be two of us. Unless his is hidden. Everyone is watching Mohammed Ali w maybe will smith, yeah, I just saw him, I am so sore my body freakin aches. My neck from lying in bed, my back from the same, my hand from writing, my eyes from reading, my heard from stress. GD I feel broke ya know what really sucks; I have money in the bank and can't spend it. BRB, nice sharp pencil again, so yea I'm sore all fukin over the place (not my ass hole tho, THANK GOD!)
13 hours remain of my stay in hell, my viewing of the other side, my life as lived by me, never ever again.
I am able to tell you why I am here but I really don't understand it myself. It was a series of stupid, really stupid mistakes, as I repeat them in my head, I can't believe I let it go this far. Never again. Now as for smogs, I don't know, I haven't made a decision yet, I really only have seconds where I want one, it usually lasts some 15 or 20 seconds then I'm okay. I really have no motivations to quit tho, which is my problem. I have plenty of support but nothing to quit for. That really sucks, people say "Quit for your health" and all I can think is "Maybe you should quit eating for your health, you fat lazy bitch, Your food addiction will kill you long before smoking will kill me." but really you know where I stand. I have no one in my life that is important enough to quit smoking for.
It's halftime of halftime.... 10 hours left. I swear to you, Time does not fuckin move in here. It just stops. I caught myself watching the clock and realized that it may be moving at the same speed but GD it don't feel like it. Everything in here is metal, even the mirrors, the floors, the lights (for the most part).
It's just past 9am on Sunday the 30th. Tomorrow I don't have to work cuz of memorial day! Thank GOD! cuz I need a break after being locked up-seriously! Think about when you have been really bored, you had stuff to do like watch TV, go window-shopping, grab a snatch - er, snack, pretty much lots you could do. NOT HERE! I'm stuck here, no where to go or run, nothing to see, no one cares here and I mean that. Prolly the only reason some people are alive in here is cuz it's illegal to kill em, like I said tho really no one gives a shit about you in here. It's kinda sad, the weekend are visiting days and there are only two people in 42 that had visitors. It's like I said. Anyway, I have only two lines left of the paper that I was supplied with. I even wrote REALLY small to avoid running out of room, but alas I have all four pages full. Hope you enjoyed my misery FKR! OUT!
No... You may NOT have my autograph.
By now you all realize where I am and who I am working for... I LOVE IT!! My training group really KICKS ASS and we have the best time! Of course it will never compare to the times I had at CP, You guys are not replaceable! I am learning so much more than I did at CP, mainly I am referring to personal revelations and new-found idiosyncrasies in my life. I love that I was paid $11.73/hr to paint and draw on the walls of the center today. I love knowing more than almost everyone in my class.
L.I. Your blog is FUCKIN hillarious!! I am thrilled that you mentioned me!! And btw, you know I luv ya! YOU ARE AWESOME!
laterz
Tears of Sadness
I REALLY do not want to work. That is my problem. I have too many things too do and too little time. Honestly, I think work just cuts into my "sitting around time" and I can't have that now, can I? I am now nearing the END of my 10 day vacation... "No Work" has been my moto. My new moto... drum roll please... dun dun dun, "Satisfaction Guaranteed" in saying this, of course, I'm talking about ME. Who gives a shit if YOUR satisfied... Just so long as I am, all is well. LMAO. Now also, granted, it is always self satisfaction. Sept for once. Yeah, that kinda sucks. Uh Huh, it sucks.
MEN!
Why Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood -- all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!
Another day down.
My mom and I spent today doing pot. Seriously! MY MOM!!! 9 hours straight. What a way to spend mothers day, right? NO! My body aches. I won't mind if I Never put another flower in a pot EVER again. She bought enough flowers to do floral arangements for 35 weddings, 4 barmitzfas, and 19 funerals. GD!! I swear to you... NEVER again, pot, never.
On a better note... I AM GETTING A CELL PHONE TOMORROW!! YEAH!!! THANK THE LORD!! If I don't call you tomorrow to let you know what my new number is, call me. Then slap me for not giving you my number.... HEHEHE
PS. Appearantly I was VERY drunk friday night, If I offended anyone, eat me. Cuz if you get offended over a drunk spewing words, you must fuck off worse than the drunk. If you had a good laugh cuz I was drunk, I am happy for you, just don't bring it up EVER, ok? Good.
I TAPPED THE ICE PRINCESS!!
You read that RIGHT! I tapped that ass! Oh you should have been there. I tapped it four times! LMMFAO!! Now for what REALLY happened.... someone at work asked me if I was "tapping" the Ice Princess.... of course, I said, "NO! She's married!" So, we mutually decided, if the rumor is there... just as well be true, right? So, with the cunning use of a cue stick, I tapped that ass, and thrice on the head. Oh it was LUCIOUS!!! Did I mention, Ice, that I'd do ya? I would!
Has it been that long?
Well, I have reached the end of my 5 day vacation time... and alas I must turn in for the night and be prepared for the impending doom on the morrow. I have sweat, bled, been in tears, and had joy until giddiness all within this time off. It has been magical, treacherous, and inspiring. I have learned something about myself this weekend. I think it can be best expressed by a song. The song of choice is Come Clean by Hillary Duff. Here is part of the chorus that I like most... "Let the rain fall down, And wake my dreams, Let it wash away, My sanity, 'cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream." I discovered that I want to go back, back to the times when my life was simple, the bills got paid, I wasn't concerned with how often I stroke it or the gas mileage of my car. All that seemed to matter was going to bed on time and waking up the next day. I want to go back to that. Thinking back, that time was when I was just out of high school. I was too stupid to really know what was going on and what effects the people in my life really had on me. I think as I got older I began to think about things more. Maybe it's just that, I should quit thinking about all the shit in my life and just live to see the next day. You know what tho? I really don't give a fuk about the dew on the grass, or the smell of morning. I would rather be with the one I love, admiring her perfect hair, smell, touch. I just realized that I have NO FUKN clue what I'm rambling about. Oh well.
How bout an Italian Proverb?
After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.
Oh yes, this is true... does this indicate that the President of the USA and a homeless person would be grouped together? FUK NO! What fantasy land have you been fukin livin in? They are distinctly separate. What kinda fukin retard wrote that shit anyway?
Out.
NO CELL!! OMG!!
I am gonna DIE!!! It has been 10 hours since the relinquishment of my cell phone to the whale. Lets do a recap shall we? I think so.
May 1, 2004 3:08 pm; Whale picks up cell phone from defendant.
3:20 pm; Defendant gets in car to drive to Rigby.
3:22 pm; Realizing he is "out of touch" defendant almost reaches tears.
3:30 pm; After small bout with depression, defendant makes an amazing recovery.
4:08 pm; It's been 1 hour exactly, defendant notes time.
6:00 pm; Defendant at bar, wishing he had cell to contact date.
6:23 pm; Defendant wishes he had a cell phone.
6:24 pm; Defendant breaks down and asks bar tender to use, dun dun dunnnnn, the LANDLINE.
6:24.01 pm; Defendant wishes he had a cell phone.
6:59 pm; After one hour of playing with himself (uh hum, I'm talking about pool here!) Defentand leaves bar.
7:01 pm; Defendant makes drive home without incedent from the huge loss suffered at the fin of whale.
7:32 pm; Defendant wishes he had a cell phone.
9:00 pm; Defendant notes time, still wishing he had a cell phone.
10:12 pm; You guessed it... still missing cell phone.
May 2, 2004 1:07 am; Defendant tired of being without a cell phone, but thankful he can still catch the Oriental Express to Feelgoodville, ID. Which by the way, happens to be right here, right now... so... LATER!
posted by Yoshi @ 5/31/2004 09:18:00 PM
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